They say we write what we need or what we want to remember.
Patience is what I'm struggling with right now.
Currently, Hayden and I are living in a second garage-turned "studio apartment" with no kitchen or bathroom while we save money and look for a house.
But the waiting is hard. I know that it can take time to find a house that meets all must-haves. And for us it's having a shorter commute to work and being in an area with a good school system, having sufficient storage space, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms...and all in an affordable budget of course. I know that I must be, and I am grateful for what I have now - a space to live, no rent, limited monthly payments, and a single burner so that we can still live somewhat independently. Yet, not knowing when we'll find what we're looking for continues to make waiting difficult.
In the past, I've known what was coming, it was just a matter of waiting for it - a proposal, a wedding, a package in the mail, etc. I wasn't perfectly patient with these things, but I think I struggled less internally than I am now. At least I could DO something in the meantime. Right now, I'm excited to get started creating, fixing, and decorating our new home so that we can gather with company and cultivate community. But, I have no idea what it will be like yet, which makes it just a tad difficult to plan ahead. I find myself spending hours on Pinterest as my biggest coping mechanism. At least I'm gaining an idea of what I hope to achieve in our future home, right? I guess, but it can only get me so far... I'm also ready to be able to prepare food and clean dishes in a kitchen with a sink, to not walk all the way through the garage and through the house to use the bathroom at 2 am, and to have our own privacy again. Did I mention it was my parents' garage? Who just moved in with my grandmother? And my sister is home for the summer?
The situation, however, is humbling. I'm forced to realize the things that I've begun to take for granted - my own kitchen, a bathroom 3 ft away, running water - things some people have never had. I've always been grateful for a roof over my head, but I don't think I ever considered giving thanks for all that I had under that roof. What's that saying? You don't know what you have until it's gone? I find this to be true all the time. And although I'm looking forward to more privacy, I'm grateful to have this time with my family and be physically closer to them than we have been in almost a year - again, not something everyone has the luxury of.
I do know that God will provide, but it still does not diminish the struggle right now. It also doesn't help that we don't know God's plan for us. We'll find the house that's right for us at the right time, but when will that be?! That's the hard part. It's not wondering if good things will come, but being able to wait patiently for them: Romans 8:25, NIV: "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
I know that being grateful and knowing what I have that is good doesn't discount the reality I feel in struggling to wait. However, I can choose and have the power to be content in the present and to really settle into my faith that God has a good plan for us. To thank Him for what we have now, and to pray for what is to come: Philippians 4:6, NLT: "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."
I hope that if you're struggling with patience and waiting, whether in a similar situation, or in something completely different, that you can learn and take some comfort from these words as I have. It's okay to struggle, but allow God to walk with you through those struggles. Give thanks for what you have now and pray to Him for what you need. Waiting for the best outcome means having patience and trusting that God will provide at the right time (even if it's not the time we think or want it to be).